Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I think i'm such a failure...

11:35 PM

Thursday, January 18, 2007

this is a fucking awesome passage taken out of a fictionpress story i chanced upon.

"I’m a walking, talking contradiction. I know I am. I’m a hopeless romantic, and I’m a terrified cynic. I’m shy and I’m outgoing. I’m loud and quiet. I’m a dorky overachiever who thinks about clothes and make-up at least thirty percent of the time. I’m a designated girly girl who really, really wants a guy around whom I can fart and burp and pig out and be sick.

God. No wonder no guys like me. I’m, like, bipolar."- Counting Chickens

sounds so much like me i wonder why the author didn't just write a story about, you know, me. pardon my ego.

mm.. except the dorky overachiever part.

-tianni-

5:39 PM

Sunday, January 14, 2007

....

=)

i threw myself into another ridiculous bet. all hot, intelligent chinese bachelors pls identify yourselves.

-still me-

11:36 AM

life is beautiful.

i had a horrible dream last night, it wasn't a nightmare, but it was so awful..and the image so perfect at the same time. i swear, i can now almost see some misty aura in that picture, the first rays of sun were just creeping into the room, curtains drawn, everything was quietly smiling, enjoying the tranquility, talking in soft hushed voices, about life, about the future. yet there was something so undeniably sad about it. it was as though, in that dimension, life and death were one and the same. it was about how the living passed on to death, and how the dead were revived. all in that one room, 2 people, one a flickering soul, and one a solid being. they weren't looking at each other, but their emotions were so strong it echoed in that empty room.

i woke up crying. it was the first time i ever woke up from a dream, crying. i think i cried because it was so beautiful and sad. maybe i cried because i was so glad it was over. that it was only a dream. i couldn't tell my mum what happened, i just knew it was so real it hurt me.

it's ok if nobody understands. if you get what i mean, it was like paradise.

-tianni-

11:14 AM

Saturday, November 04, 2006

dum dum dee.. i'm wasting my life away.

what am i going to do?

money. power. self. friendship. family. love.

which one is your focus in life? in just 1 day, i get 2 replies. "love is what we live for."

love for what? for whom?

i try not to think so hard about my life, but i have so many dreams. dreams that i want to fulfill. always, the practical side of life gets to me. and i really don't trust myself anymore to live a beautiful life. i can be such a failure. there's so much i want to achieve. we should all be content, but what am i to do when something, somebody, asks for more?

sometimes i think i'm not me. the control. the power. the will that i should have over myself. i don't have it. and then i fail, again. and i disappoint myself. people around me. how could i satisfy everybody..that i love?

many times i feel myself so bland that i exaggerate every emotion i have. happiness. fake happiness. anger. fake anger. maybe that's why i have people telling me to calm down all the time. really. i don't feel anger directed towards anybody but myself. maybe that's why i cry so easily. crying doesn't really involve any emotion. it's just science. biology.

subconsciously i never let go. i can't. even if i go so crazy people get annoyed, i can still find myself. one day, perhaps. i will let go. and then what? either i die, or i become another person altogether. people say "i feel really happy today. felt like i could really let go." but do they really? i don't think so. when do you ever let go of your emotions?

i think all the time. think too much, perhaps. ah.

lol.. one day my friend asked me "are you an ENFJ?" and i answered "no, i'm an INTP". it's funny how different i am to people. then again, personality tests can't be trusted.

-redrum-

2:01 PM

Thursday, November 02, 2006

OH. MY. GOZ.

this is the first post since MAY...

WOW.

yes. so i finally retrieved my password. and got blogger working. yay. i realise a lot has happened since may...

but hey! i haven't changed much. i guess. except i got new friends (which i superlub) i started losing a little contact with old friends (which i'm supersad about) and i grew up a bit. i mean it figuratively. stop suaning my height. why am i always friends with tall people. hmm..then again there's always pig.

haha.

life goes on. let my life return to normal first.

i think i've been slacking a lot. and one more year to me claiming my reward! everybody prepare 10 bucks.

i need to get my engine started. alrrrrrrrrright.

-redrum-

11:58 PM

Saturday, October 28, 2006

yo! i finally can blog. mozilla screwed my blogger for how friggin long. whee

actually. let me blog another time. i shall go off now. be a good kid.

-redrum-

11:03 PM

Monday, May 08, 2006

I just died.

T_T

rarr. this post is an answer to my promise to update.

1:04 AM